


How I Met Your Alpha

by MajesticallyDamaged



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Alternate Universe - How I Met Your Mother Fusion, Alternate Universe - Human, Can be a little cracky at sometimes, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Generally not at all, Light Angst, Like, M/M, Non-releated One-Shots, and some other guest charcters along the way, but not really, but some
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-03 18:31:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8725636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajesticallyDamaged/pseuds/MajesticallyDamaged
Summary: In the vast metropolis that is New York, dramas of heartbreak and love and the search for "The One" are in surplus. The type of emotional resilience necessary to find a happy ending is rare but adamant in Scott McCall; a young, handsome, romantic who searches the city for a meaningful relationship and a happy end with a happy family. 
This story is very much NOT about him. 
--
OR a generally happy series of non-related one-shots where Sterek is Marshmallow and Lilypad from HIMYM because I need happiness in my life again.





	1. How I Met Everyone Else

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooooooooo...this is actually happening.   
> Honestly I wasn't ever really going to post these bc I thought they were wacky has fuck and they've been sitting in my drive for like months but you know what? It's currently midnight where I am, I'm buried on homework I haven't started because I got home late after a hard day of work and a generally sucky, humiliating day at school where I was forced to expose myself in an embarrassing manner (making this waaay too dramatic, but still) and I needed some happiness and Sterek to me = happiness and rainbows. Hence me posting something I really didn't think I would post.   
> We'll see what happens, I guess.   
> (Whew, thanks AO3, needed to let that out lol).
> 
> NOTE: If I do post more in the future, I just want you to know that the characters aren't always going to mirror the show (barring Stiles and Derek who are Marshall and Lily, interchangeably). I might make Erica Barney one day, or Isaac Barney. Depends on who I think would fill the role I want them to fill. 
> 
> This one is from ep 3.05

“Listen up, boys! Mama’s gonna teach you how to live.”

“Um,” Scott's mouth hung open in surprise.

“Scott, this is Erica,” Stiles waved an awkward hand between the two. “She’s the girl that accosted me when I came out of the bathroom.”

“Oh,” his uneven jaw closed shut slowly, looking at the new blonde arrival 

“Here’s the first thing you need to know about hookups,” she continued, ignoring them both. 

“Oh, neither of us are really into that,” Scott said with a friendly, yet uncomfortable, smile.

“Aw, that’s so sweet,” Erica cooed, her deep red lips curling into a sultry smirk. “You think you have a choice.”

Scott looked towards Stiles, eyes widening with alarm. He looked back when Stiles just shrugged and smiled with amusement.

“Well, Stiles is already in a long-term relationship, so…”

“Very long term,” Stiles interjected, happy and giddy whenever he got the chance to brag about his engagement. “We’re about to get married.”

“‘Married’?” Erica asked, incredulous. “How old are you? 12?”

“Ha, ha, very funny,” he laughed sarcastically, eyes rolling. “I happen to be 23, thank you very much.” 

“Uh huh,” she roamed her eyes over Stiles form and put her elbows on the table, thrusting her half-covered chest up. 

Not that Scott was looking! ‘Cause he totally wasn’t! 

“You know,” Erica practically purred, tongue licking her colored lips, “one night with me, and you won’t even remember your little girlfriend’s name.” 

“OK!” Scott clapped his hands together, loudly, as Stiles laughed. “That’s enough of my best friend’s sex life for one night, I think! Besides, you couldn’t get him even if you wanted to.”

“Oh, really?” Her perfectly groom eyebrow lifted. 

“Yeah. Not only is he, like, already, practically, married with kids with his soulmate, but his said soulmate? Also a dude.”

The blonde’s smirk turned into a full-fledged smile as her eyes snapped back to Stiles, who did a little wave with his fingers. 

“Hot.”

“It’s like everything you say is just pure, unfiltered sex,” Stiles commented, admiration and respect in his voice. 

“Well, thank you,” she purred. “Gay or bi?”

“Bi.” 

The blonds eyes sparked with a predatory gaze. “Ooo, so there’s still room for me?” 

Scott could feel his face screw up in disgust.

“Still no,” Stiles scoffed, good-heartedly. “We’re serial monogamists.”

“Ugh, gross,” Erica wrinkled her nose, but quickly regained her smile. “Let me guess―you bottom?”

Scott groaned and dropped his head down onto the table, stomach queasy at the thought. 

“Look, Erica, I like you; you’re like a sexy tornado encased in leather and heels―you’re basically Catwoman, which just makes you even more sexier―but that information is between me and my future hubby,” he shrugged apologetically. 

“They’re both weirdly possessive of each other,” Scott rested his head back up on his palm. “It’s sickening, really.”

“Dude, shut up,” his best friend smiled, bumping his shoulder into his own. “You aspire to be us.”

Scott rolled his eyes but said nothing. 

Erica was looking over their shoulders at something during their conversation, before returning to smile at them. “Alright, I’ll let it go…”

“Thank you.”

“...if you pick up that guy.”

Stiles scoffed. “What? No.”

“Oh, come on, there’s a total hottie in the grey henley next to the bar and if you get him, I’ll let you and what’s-his-face―”

“Derek.”

“―whatever. You get his attention, I’ll let it go.”

“...fine.”

“What?” Scott snapped his head to Stiles in shock. “Stiles!”

Stiles tilted his head to the bar. “Look, man, Erica’s right; he is hot.”

Scott looked over, confused as hell before he realized just who Erica was talking about. Understanding washed over him as he took in the mischievous look he’s seen too much during their childhood in Stiles’ eyes. 

“Bro, I don’t know,” he commented, innocently. “No offense or anything, but he’s a little over your league.”

Erica laughed, delightedly, before Stiles could answer back. “I know! Why do you think I chose him?”

“Wait,” Stiles narrowed his eyes at her. “You picked him just so I would lose?”

“Well, duh. I don’t want to lose my teasing rights.”

He shared a look with Scott before turning back to her. “Just so we’re clear; if I just have to get him interested in me, you’ll let it go?”

“Yup,” she confirmed, popping the ‘p’. 

Stiles rubbed his hands together and sighed. “Well, wish me luck.”

“Oh, good luck,” Erica smiled. 

Scott watched as Stiles sauntered over to the man at the bar. 

The man Erica was talking about was, indeed, a ‘hottie’. With clean stubble, impeccable cheekbones, and tight-fitting henley to show off his muscles, he had already gained the attention of many of the women sitting on the bar stools. He turned at Stiles’ light tap on his broad shoulder with a scowl on his bearded face. Scott watched as the frown softened into a smile and then they both stepped closer until―

“The  _ fuck _ ?”

Stiles pushed forward against the man until his lips were slanted against his, hands tangling in dark hair. The kiss was immediately reciprocated as the man pushed a jean-clad thigh in between Stiles’ and lowered his hands to the small of his back. 

Scott chuckled when he took in Erica’s completely slack expression. 

“The fuck?!” Erica repeated, louder. 

Scott outright laughed. “Meet Derek Hale―official other half of Stiles Stilinski since freshman year of college.”

“Damn it,” Erica grumbled, eyes trained on the couple as they started heading out of the bar, hand in hand. “I lost my teasing rights.”

“Big time,” Scott chortled. 

 


	2. Showdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I be doing this? Now? Right before finals week? Fuck to the hell to you-utter-dumbass no. But...ya know. 
> 
> I was told my first attempt was bad so...here's another one!
> 
> This one's from ep 2x20

Stiles smiled against Derek’s lips, rubbing his upturned nose against his straight one, contentment and love encompassing the both of them. Derek rubbed a calloused thumb against his fiancé’s pulse with tenderness and played the tips of his fingers against soft brown hair. Stiles’ own slender fingers gripped loosely around the waist of Derek’s henley. They slowly slid their lips against each other, savoring each other’s taste and―

“ _God_ , you guys make me sick.”

The couple broke away with a start and turned to see the disgusted face of Isaac.

“I think they’re adorable,” Lydia cooed, next to the blonde.

“I think it’s hot,” Erica smirked.

Stiles gave the blonde an exhausted look as Derek glared pulled him closer slightly.

Scott scoffed. “That’s nothing; you should see them at home. It’s like watching a Hallmark movie with no plot.”

“Oh, they’re not that bad,” Allison defended, with a sweet tone.

Scott gave her a pitying look that scream _oh-you-sweet-naive-thing-you_. “Babe, you don’t understand. We’re lucky we live in New York and not somewhere more down south or else I’d be worried I’ll have to pry their melted body parts of each other with a crowbar.”

“Scott, come on,” Erica rolled her eyes. “Every couple goes through that wedding bliss just as before they get married.”

“Hah!” Scott scoffed. “They were codependent the moment they met in college.”

“We’re not codependent,” Stiles protested, clearly offended as he moving closer to the man next to him.

“Dude, come on. Do you remember that time during winter, our heater broke, and you were shivering so Derek zipped his jacket over you?”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Lydia sniffed. “I think that’s rather gentlemanly.”

“Derek was still _wearing the jacket_!” Scott exclaimed. “He literally unzipped his jacket, pulled Stiles onto his chest and rezipped it and stayed like that until morning! They were basically a tight leather burrito. I'm surprised that the jacket didn't rip in half!”

“Yeah, well, I was cold!” Stiles defended Derek and himself. “That doesn’t mean we’re codependent!”

“Oh, really? Then what happened to spending the last week before your guy’s wedding apart?” Isaac piped in, a challenging grin on his lips.

“It turned out to be inconvenient,” Derek scowled, haughtily.

“It’s inconvenient because you’re _codependent_ ,” Scott shot back.

“We are not codependent!” Stiles shrilled.

“Prove it,” the blonde demanded. “Derek can stay with me and Boyd.”

“It would be more romantic when you see each other at the alter,” Allison offered.

Stiles and Derek looked at each other, hesitantly. They shared looks with each other, both reluctant to spend the night apart after all these years together. But...

“She’s...not wrong,” Stiles admitted, pouting.

Derek stared helplessly at Stiles before he huffed, kissed his fiancé forehead, turned back toward the table and glowered at everyone else, blame clear in his eyebrows.

“Statistics do show that honeymoons are better spent when the couple abstain from sex right before the ceremony,” Lydia commented.

Stiles glumly nodded at the peanuts he was picking at before his head shot up, wide-eyed. “ _Who said anything about not having sex_?!”

Derek’s eyebrows just moved lower with more accusatory anger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I kinda wanted to extend this but I also like it short, sweet, and cracky ;)  
> Ideas? Thoughts?
> 
> Criticism is always welcome! 
> 
> Shout out to stupid mistakes even more so!

**Author's Note:**

> So, what's the Verdict? (No, capitalizing the V in Verdict is not dramatic, fuck you)   
> Should I posts the rest of them?   
> Also, be free to tell me of any mistakes! Because again, it's midnight.


End file.
